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Today I want to express my gratitude for our internal (eternal) healing ability.  That ability that is inherent in each of us to heal the dis-ease that manifests in our bodies.

Looking at the past month purely from an external view, I can say that in the last week of April my dear hubby came home from work with a cough.  Then it continued for about a week.  After a week of him coughing on me all night long,  my immune system must have given up, because I ended up being out for most of the first week of May.

I used to try to “tough it out” at work – going in, even when the prudent thing to do was to stay home and not share the illness with the rest of the office.  Well, I’ve gotten smart enough to understand that when your body says “enough!!”, it means stop everything and simply rest.  So I did for 3 full days.  Then I went back to work on Friday, but the weekend turned out to be lousy.  But I was well enough to go back to work for a full week.

Except, then my body blew up at me again – and this time I was out for 5 work days, surrounding a weekend.  I got antibiotics from my doctor, but it still took 3 days of those plus rest to get to a place where, for about an hour, I felt like myself.

The incessant coughing (and feeling like someone was kickboxing my ribs) continued.  I had obviously had a “relapse”.  About this time the Dear Hubby began to come down ill again, too.

So then there were 2 sick folks at home – and neither in shape to take care of themselves, let alone the other!!  We slept alot (in different rooms since the coughing of one keep the other from sleeping) drank LOTS of liquids, ate vitamin C and ate next to nothing else.  This went on for about 8 days.

Then Saturday I started feeling better, and Sunday I made the local crafts fair that I missed the previous week due to the Humboldt Crud Maximized (Yep, I did fine, made enough money to make it worth my while and had fun, too).

On Monday Dear Hubby and I went to Dry Lagoon and sat on the beach looking for agates.  It was so lovely and warm, soon I was laying in the sand looking for agates!!  I did find about 12 – all the size of my little finger nail, but that was my best “catch” yet!!

And Tuesday, for the first time in literally a month, I began to fully feel like myself – Whoopee!!

I don’t ever want to go through whatever that was again in my life.  A friend tells me her 85 year old grandmother had the same thing and ended up with several fractured ribs from all the intense coughing.  That doesn’t surprise me at all!!

So, I am exquisitely grateful that my body told me to stop and take things easy (too bad I didn’t hear that message earlier!!).  I am very, very grateful that my body was able to heal itself so beautifully.  I am grateful for everyone who helped during this time, I’m grateful that people liked my jewelry enough to pay me so they could take it home, and I’m especially grateful that I finally get to sleep with my Dear Husband again – something that was very difficult while we were sick. 

So, by the way, where did May go???

Katie

P.S.  In looking back at my last entry, I can see how the stress and dis-stress made everything a little more crazy, and perhaps my body was reacting to how this person was playing me in their game.  It’s okay, I still love them, I just don’t really have the time to try to help them out.  Once they’ve figured out what they really want, they can figure out how that makes them happy.  In the meantime, I’m going to go relax with my Dear Husband (DH), what a nice reward!! 

After a particularly long and rather stressful week, I got some rather devastating news last night.

Well, it totally bummed me out.  It made me depressed because of the waste, and then angry because I felt totally taken advantage of.

My husband tried to soothe me, but I told him to wait, I needed to get my thoughts and feelings figured out first, and I didn’t want to anchor the pain and have it associated in any way with him.  I know he was as distressed as I was, but he knows me and understands that’s the way I deal with things.  I particularly didn’t want the pain I was feeling to in any way be associated with this man I love.

So, then he offered a walk, asking if I wanted to go scream out my anger and upset.  While I like to be physically active when I’m agitated, it was just too late in the evening.  I told him “no, it’s not about spewing.  It’s about sloughing off, about letting it drop away, not about expelling it forcefully.” 

What I knew was that this was not the first time I’ve felt this way.  It’s not the first time I’ve had this reaction, and unfortunately, it’s not the first time I’ve had this reaction to almost exactly the same circumstances.  It’s not the first time these circumstances have aligned in my life this way!!

I talked with my husband about how no one can really help another person. That our “help” is our own reaction to circumstances.  We can’t ever really know what another is going through, or what they need.

What I did know is that my upset was not so much about the person and the circumstances they dropped in my lap.  It was more about ME.  It was about what I was doing in the world to attract these circumstances.  It was about something in me – some need or some desire, or some sense of lack – that I needed to heal.  I needed to get to the source of what I was attempting to take care of in myself, in order to be able to let it go and stop trying to fix or fulfill that need. 

Only then would I be able to let go of the anger, upset, expectations that were continuing to bring me startlingly similar grief and dispair again and again.  (Even if it only happened once every year or so, it was a repetition.)  So, in addition to talking a LOT, I did some physical cleaning up around the house (that helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings, too).  Then, because I had to go to work, I went into bed around midnight.

Generally I listen to brain entrainment meditation CDs every night before sleep.  For some reason, it’s been about 2 weeks since I last listened.  Well, last night seemed like the perfect time to renew my practice. But this time I decided to listen to a slightly different CD.

Quite some time ago I had the opportunity to purchase a copy of their Gamma Compassion Meditation CD – one that replicates the brain waves of Tibetian Monks in meditation.  Although I had used it briefly in the past, I didn’t notice any specific results, and set it aside.  Many people who have used the CD, however, remark on how much calmer, happier and more compassionate they are after listening.  So that’s the one I picked to listen to.

So when it finished, I started it over again and fell asleep listening.

This morning, when I awoke, the very first thing I heard in my head was, “You can’t save the world.”  BINGO.

I realized that my entire life, I have been trying to “save the world” in some manner.  That’s why I like to help others.  That’s why I like to teach.  I like to share information, tips and tricks for making things easier.  It’s nearly impossible for me to not step forward with a suggestion, an idea, a new perspective when I find someone in trouble, in pain, in distress, in confusion, in loss, in negative space of any kind….

However.  You can’t ever really “help” someone.  You can’t take responsibility for their life, their problems, their challenges.  That would make them powerless, so even if you could take responsibility, you would be taking away their power and that’s evil.  You would be making them dependent upon you, and that’s a burden for both sides.

Whatever they are going through is a result of their thoughts and actions.  It is the logical progression of everything that has come before, and it has nothing to do with you.  Your attempt to make things better by stepping forward will not necessarily make it better – in fact it may actually delay their growth and progress.

When a person has progressed to the place where they are ready for what you have to “offer”, they will find you.  It isn’t about your volunteering to help make them better.  You can’t force them into being better.  It’s about providing the space and opportunity for them to figure out who they are and what they need to do next – for themselves.

I have provided so many opportunities for this person that I undoubtedly overwhelmed them.  I just wasn’t astute enough to wait for them to find out what they wanted and needed.  Rather than continuing to step up when I perceived they were about to fall flat on their face, my job is to lovingly hold the space that they are fully capable of taking care of themselves.

So, on the way to work I listened to Francine Jarry’s delightful CD of ditties.  Little songs containing Abraham-Hicks wisdom that are upbeat and always make me feel better.  There were several on the CD that applied directly to how I was feeling and provided insight on how to handle the situation and my feelings.  And, I felt more and more calm and relaxed as the day went on.

Tonight while getting ready for a teleclass, I received a call from this person.  In our conversation I said I had let go of my need to save the world.  I said that I recognized my responsibility in drawing the negative emotions to myself.  I acknowledged my faith in their ability to figure out and manage their own life.  When they told me how frustrated they were with how things are going (or not going), I commiserated and reminded them that the purpose of these challenges are only to help them become more. 

We had a good talk and I remarked on how interesting it was that I was in such pain last night and today I let go of it all and I received this call.  My caller said, “well of course, isn’t that what you always tell me?  When you are willing to let go, you get what you want.”

Yes, that was me.  I forgot I needed to remember to let go of my need to save the world – something I thought I had given up years ago, but obviously hadn’t totally since it keeps coming up with this particular individual. 

Who says the world needs saving?  Maybe in order to save the rest of the world, I need to save myself first by just focusing on me and letting the rest of the world figure out what they need for themselves…using their own timeframe rather than one I am trying to impose on them from outside.

That would certainly free up my own time and energy to go enjoy myself!!

Seems as though the IRS is giving people an extra day this year to get their Federal taxes in due to Emancipation Day in Washington, DC., as well as “Patriots Day” in Massachusettes.

However, mostly just those States which actually observe Patriots Day have that same extra day extension on their State taxes (Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont and Washington DC., I believe).

So, for most of the rest of us, that means that the extra day for Federal taxes doesn’t mean a whole lot since we have to complete our Federal taxes in order to submit our State taxes!!

Be sure to check with your State’s taxing organization, however.  I just checked the California Franchise Tax Board, and they extended their due date to Tuesday, April 17, also.

Along with our wonderful vacation to Australia and New Zealand, I postponed taxes until we returned.  Now I’m hot in the middle of them so I can be finished this weekend!!

Now I’m not an advocate of taxation, which is mostly a redistribution of wealth.  I am a free market capitalist and I dislike anything that punishes people for being productive.  And I am not happy about how and where my tax dollars are spent.  I would prefer to pay for what I use, and I dislike the majority of the money going to the middleman, even though I realize I’m one of those middlemen.

So, where is my gratitude, here?  Well first of all, as my dear husband always says, “I’ll take all the 70-cent dollars I can get!”  I am grateful to have made enough money to have a tax bill to pay (although I expect to get a return on the total taxes we have already paid during the year).

And then, our family in New Zealand still receive some U.S. paychecks, so they have the privilege of being taxed twice!!  So I am also grateful to not have to pay double taxes on the money we make each year.

And finally, I am paying back some money I pulled out of retirement years ago when I left my job with the State of California.  And, I am fortunate enough to be able to make those payments (plus all the in-between interest) on a pre-tax basis.  So I am grateful for a system that lets me postpone the taxation on that portion of my income that I am reinvesting.

By the way, I am also grateful that I have been doing my own taxes for so many years and still pretty much understand most of the requirements.  But I’m even more grateful for TurboTax and the time it saves me!!

Good luck to us all, and if you’re burning the midnight oil this weekend, think of me, I’ll be thinking of you!!  Oh, and of course I’m grateful to the FTB (just in case I’m not done on Sunday, I’ll have one more day to complete my forms and get them in!!).

Oh, My Goodness!!  Flying back from Milford Sound, I got to ride in the co-pilot’s seat of a 9-person propellor plane – over the mountains, through the passes, seeing the hanging valleys, above the clouds, and finally, along the lake to Queenstown!  Just like the postcards!!

Not only that, we are now back in California, and acclimating back into our work and personal lives!

We drove from Queenstown to Christchurch, got there in time for a beautiful sunset we watched from our hotel window, along with cold white wine, and headed back to Auckland the next morning.

And that’s an interesting story about trusting the Universe!!

We had met a man on the North Island (in a pub watching a golf match on TV) who was familiar with where we lived.  He found out my husband loves to fish and that we were leaving the next day for the South Island.  He told us to look up his brother (an avid fisherman/guide) on the Rakaia River (just outside Christchurch). 

We knew that would have to be one of the last things we did since we would only be in that neck of the woods on the way out of the country.  So, as we came through Rakaia, my husband wanted to just keep driving.  I said, “No.  We’re here and we’re stopping.”  

So we went to find Bruce.  It took us a little time, but we found him (Blue as he’s known to his friends) at his favorite pub.  He looked at us a little strangely when we two Americans brazenly walked up and introduced ourselves.  After about 5 minutes of talking, though, we were like good friends, with him giving Tom lots of advice about fishing that river and asking if we’d be around very long so he could show Tom some spots.

We talked for about 30-40 minutes, thanked him, promised to come back and look him up next time so the boys could throw their lines into the river, and left to finish our drive back to Christchurch.

My husband knew I wanted to buy some Merino wool sweaters for home (they are light and warm at the same time), and he had heard an ad on the radio for a chain of stores.  As we came into Christchurch, I directed him in the “back” way to avoid the commuter traffic we would have hit coming in the same route as the first time we were there. 

Well, there on the corner was the store!  So we stopped and I picked out two nice sweaters to bring back.  That took another 30-40 minutes. 

When we showed up at the hotel, they told us that the travel agent (yeah right) had cancelled our reservation and they were fully booked for the night (sound familiar – just like Lake Taupo).  But wait, just 15 minutes earlier they had received a cancellation, so they could give us a room – just not quite the same room they had reserved for us before.

So, if we had NOT stopped to find Blue, and we had NOT stopped to buy my two lovely sweaters, then we would have been turned away AGAIN, and would have spent our last night in who-knows-where-hotel in New Zealand!!

And, as we were starting to unload the car and turn it over to the valet ($15/night) parking, a spot across the street opened up at a meter.  Since it was after 6 p.m., we were able to leave the car there overnight and pick it back up before 9 a.m., thus avoiding any parking fees and fines.

The flight to Auckland was uneventful.  Our baggage was booked through to Los Angeles and our family picked us up in Auckland for a few hours at their home, then we boarded the flight back to the US.

I’m still unpacking and getting things put up – although we’ve washed all the clothes and I think the suitcases are pretty much empty.  As soon as I get an opportunity to go through the photos, I’ll get some posted.

My only real disappointment (and it is small, not large), is that it was too difficult to coordinate writing posts and putting up pix while we were gone.  At least I was able to transfer them from my camera to my flash drive, and then to one of my websites for safekeeping! 

New Zealand is definitely set up for tourists!!  There were many internet cafes – not all at the same prices, and not all offering the same features, but I could always get in to check my emails, even if I could do nothing else.

And SkypeOut worked great!  I highly recommend it if you are going to travel outside the US.  It ended up costing me 2.1 cents a minute to talk anywhere in the US.  That’s compared to .89 cents a minute to use the cellphone I had borrowed (and installed my own SIM card).  You know which one I used the most!!

Amazingly, customs was a breeze – and the only “problems” on the entire trip turned out to be minor!!  We made all our connections, and although we were about an hour late getting back home, we, and our luggage, arrived safely and securely!!

P.S.  Tom never did get to fish while we were in NZ.  I promised him that the next trip there will specifically include fishing for him!  And yes, we’re going back!  It’s a wonderful place with happy, friendly, helpful people and we loved it!

Stopping over for a couple of days before heading out to Milford Sound on an overnight cruise aboard a small ship.  We are continually amazed at how absolutely friendly and helpful the Kiwis are! 

For instance, the very small hotel we are in will let us keep our car in their very limited parking lot and will store our luggage as we head out on this next adventure.  We are coming back to the hotel on the day afterwards, but still, their parking and all is very limited, so it is a very nice surprise that we won’t have to find a place to park.

Driving from the West coast to Queensland was a bit scary for a good part of the trip, considering the rains that kept coming down and the narrow roads with everyone driving the opposite of North America!  I figure that since the water goes down the drain in the opposite direction and we are in the southern hemisphere, that’s the reason they drive on the left!

I did tell my husband that we could have stayed home and had the same experience in the rain, but then again, we’re doing it in a different hemisphere, so it’s all good!

Yesterday we even went over the highest paved road in New Zealand – 1076 meters.  Where we live that’s not all so high, but the way they grade the roads, and the way the mountains are in relation to the valleys, it is a very steep climb!

I am continually surprised how similar this beautiful country is to where we live…just one more reason to feel like home!  And I’m continually pleased to find so many internet access places!

More soon….

Today we took the TranzAlpine railway to Greymouth – on the coast of the Tasman Sea.  It is once again warm and beautiful after being rainy in Christchurch yesterday (we got drenched).  I asked my husband if the rain wasn’t the reason we left California in February?

Travel is delightful, as we have found everywhere in New Zealand, and the people are quite lovely, charming, helpful and friendly.  Even flying over on Qantas was the way travel used to be.  It hasn’t been that much fun in about 15 years or so, but it was on Qantas!  I highly recommend them.

Even internet cafes are more prevalent than in the US, but also sometimes pricey, and limited in how they can be accessed.

One more week – down the west coast to Queenstown and Milford Sound, then drive back to Christchurch and on home.  It’s been fun and I will post some photos when I get a chance.

Tonight we’re staying at a little apartment downstairs from someone’s home.  The hotel we were supposed to stay at in Lake Taupo had somehow cancelled our reservation, so we drove 50km south to the end of the lake. There is a major event in Taupo tomorrow – a 161km bike ride around the lake (volcanic lake in the middle of North Island), so all the rooms there were booked and they did not have space for us.

Seems this end (Turangi) has a music festival going on, so we had a problem booking here, too.  Luckily hubby Tom stopped at a motel and asked, they called around, and we are staying at this very lovely little spot owned by a retired police constable (22 years of service, retired in 2000) and his wife.  They are so sweet, and are allowing me to use the internet at no cost.

This is a version of the game I call “there’s always room at the Inn.”  It’s a game my husband plays that sometimes drives me nuts, but is a wonderful reminder that the Universe will always provide.

This is also a HUGE lot better than the $150 hotel that didn’t even have internet!!  And we’re paying the quite expensive amount of $30NZ (about $21US) to stay here!

Here we are about midway through the vacation and I honestly don’t want it to end.  Internet is more sporadic (and more costly) than I thought it would be.  Even when they have internet, they don’t always have USB, so it takes me a while to get my pix downloaded, and it takes me a while to be able to get them up to the internet.

The people here are so very, very friendly.  It’s really mazing.  I don’t think I’ve met one single person who hasn’t gone out of their way to be helpful.

Tom and I got lost on the way down to the Waitomo Caves (which were breathtaking – perhaps I can get some of those pix up in the next few days). 

Some kind soul stopped when he saw us standing at an intersection in the middle of nowhere and he attempted to help us out. Then a lady stopped and gave us advice, too. The man said even though he’d lived in the area all his life, even HE couldn’t figure out where we were on the map!  The people are wonderful, the maps are lousy.

We were told it would take us 2-1/2 hours to get to the caves, and since we had to be there by 9 am, I got nervous and booked us in at a close-by place instead so we left a day earlier.  It took us 4 hours.  I can imagine how disappointed we would have been since they only take 12 people on each black water raft trip.

Tomorrow we are off to the eastern coast again – and I get to take my class with the silver clay teacher.  Then in 3 days we head off to South Island, which they say is even more beautiful – amazing!!

Having a fabulous time in Pauanui at the moment.  On to Waitomo and other parts of New Zealand tomorrow.

Take the time to plan a holiday – it’s definitely the thing to do for yourself.

After a fascinating week in the beautiful but oppressively humid rainforest of Palm Cove, Australia, we have now been in Auckland, New Zealand for the past 4 days.  Interestingly, I got more bug bites in 2 days in Sydney than I did in the 4 we spent in the rainforest!

This is a lovely country, and it is amazing how much Auckland reminds me of San Francisco.  The people are very friendly and we are enjoying the warmth (without the oppressive humidity) while escaping the coldest and wettest month at home. 

Tonight we had a unique experience of going to their “Circle Lounge” to watch an American movie – “The Pursuit of Happyness”.  It is an inspiring movie that not only brought back memories of when I lived in San Francisco, but also of the times I had been unemployed (or underemployed) while raising my daughter by myself. 

And all this in a luxurious setting where they brought us coffee and dessert to our lounge chairs midway through the movie!

Both Smiths do a fine job in the movie, and it made me very grateful to have had the opportunities that allowed me this evening to sit back in comfort and watch this fascinating study of a man determined to make his mark.  It is the story of a man who made good despite the odds, a story that will inspire you and make you grateful for what you have.

Go see it (or rent it).  It will remind you to hold on to what is most precious to you.

In the meantime, remember that regardless of the circumstances in your life, it’s who you are at your core that makes the difference.  And when you are able to bring your gifts forward into the work you do in the world, it is amazing what you can accomplish.

Tomorrow we head off for a week without a computer to Pauanui on the Coromandel Peninsula.  Paua is very similar to abalone, but a much darker blue color generally, and a thinner shell. 

I hope to post a few pictures from our trip sometime soon – right now I’m on a computer that has limited USB capability!  I will post more later after we finish our black water rafting in the glow worms caves of Waitomo!

What a gorgeous day today.  Up in the far northwestern area of California – 5 miles or so from the border – looking over State Parks property where our 18-25 year old California Conservation Corpsmembers have been working, providing fisheries and stream restoration, brush removal and tree thinning work.

It was beautiful, sunny and warm for much of the day, but also foggy, cloudy and cold (especially when we ate lunch at the Crescent City beach).

Today I got to tour an abandoned lumber mill that was given to the State of California some years ago.  I got to see the difference our corpsmembers make in the community. And I got to see some pretty remote land that most people never, ever get the opportunity to see.

I also made some new friends on the auto trip to the location - friends that love what the CCC is doing and want to expand the existing partnerships.

What a great way to spend the day….