“You Can’t Save the World”
After a particularly long and rather stressful week, I got some rather devastating news last night.
Well, it totally bummed me out. It made me depressed because of the waste, and then angry because I felt totally taken advantage of.
My husband tried to soothe me, but I told him to wait, I needed to get my thoughts and feelings figured out first, and I didn’t want to anchor the pain and have it associated in any way with him. I know he was as distressed as I was, but he knows me and understands that’s the way I deal with things. I particularly didn’t want the pain I was feeling to in any way be associated with this man I love.
So, then he offered a walk, asking if I wanted to go scream out my anger and upset. While I like to be physically active when I’m agitated, it was just too late in the evening. I told him “no, it’s not about spewing. It’s about sloughing off, about letting it drop away, not about expelling it forcefully.”
What I knew was that this was not the first time I’ve felt this way. It’s not the first time I’ve had this reaction, and unfortunately, it’s not the first time I’ve had this reaction to almost exactly the same circumstances. It’s not the first time these circumstances have aligned in my life this way!!
I talked with my husband about how no one can really help another person. That our “help” is our own reaction to circumstances. We can’t ever really know what another is going through, or what they need.
What I did know is that my upset was not so much about the person and the circumstances they dropped in my lap. It was more about ME. It was about what I was doing in the world to attract these circumstances. It was about something in me – some need or some desire, or some sense of lack – that I needed to heal. I needed to get to the source of what I was attempting to take care of in myself, in order to be able to let it go and stop trying to fix or fulfill that need.
Only then would I be able to let go of the anger, upset, expectations that were continuing to bring me startlingly similar grief and dispair again and again. (Even if it only happened once every year or so, it was a repetition.) So, in addition to talking a LOT, I did some physical cleaning up around the house (that helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings, too). Then, because I had to go to work, I went into bed around midnight.
Generally I listen to brain entrainment meditation CDs every night before sleep. For some reason, it’s been about 2 weeks since I last listened. Well, last night seemed like the perfect time to renew my practice. But this time I decided to listen to a slightly different CD.
Quite some time ago I had the opportunity to purchase a copy of their Gamma Compassion Meditation CD – one that replicates the brain waves of Tibetian Monks in meditation. Although I had used it briefly in the past, I didn’t notice any specific results, and set it aside. Many people who have used the CD, however, remark on how much calmer, happier and more compassionate they are after listening. So that’s the one I picked to listen to.
So when it finished, I started it over again and fell asleep listening.
This morning, when I awoke, the very first thing I heard in my head was, “You can’t save the world.” BINGO.
I realized that my entire life, I have been trying to “save the world” in some manner. That’s why I like to help others. That’s why I like to teach. I like to share information, tips and tricks for making things easier. It’s nearly impossible for me to not step forward with a suggestion, an idea, a new perspective when I find someone in trouble, in pain, in distress, in confusion, in loss, in negative space of any kind….
However. You can’t ever really “help” someone. You can’t take responsibility for their life, their problems, their challenges. That would make them powerless, so even if you could take responsibility, you would be taking away their power and that’s evil. You would be making them dependent upon you, and that’s a burden for both sides.
Whatever they are going through is a result of their thoughts and actions. It is the logical progression of everything that has come before, and it has nothing to do with you. Your attempt to make things better by stepping forward will not necessarily make it better – in fact it may actually delay their growth and progress.
When a person has progressed to the place where they are ready for what you have to “offer”, they will find you. It isn’t about your volunteering to help make them better. You can’t force them into being better. It’s about providing the space and opportunity for them to figure out who they are and what they need to do next – for themselves.
I have provided so many opportunities for this person that I undoubtedly overwhelmed them. I just wasn’t astute enough to wait for them to find out what they wanted and needed. Rather than continuing to step up when I perceived they were about to fall flat on their face, my job is to lovingly hold the space that they are fully capable of taking care of themselves.
So, on the way to work I listened to Francine Jarry’s delightful CD of ditties. Little songs containing Abraham-Hicks wisdom that are upbeat and always make me feel better. There were several on the CD that applied directly to how I was feeling and provided insight on how to handle the situation and my feelings. And, I felt more and more calm and relaxed as the day went on.
Tonight while getting ready for a teleclass, I received a call from this person. In our conversation I said I had let go of my need to save the world. I said that I recognized my responsibility in drawing the negative emotions to myself. I acknowledged my faith in their ability to figure out and manage their own life. When they told me how frustrated they were with how things are going (or not going), I commiserated and reminded them that the purpose of these challenges are only to help them become more.
We had a good talk and I remarked on how interesting it was that I was in such pain last night and today I let go of it all and I received this call. My caller said, “well of course, isn’t that what you always tell me? When you are willing to let go, you get what you want.”
Yes, that was me. I forgot I needed to remember to let go of my need to save the world – something I thought I had given up years ago, but obviously hadn’t totally since it keeps coming up with this particular individual.
Who says the world needs saving? Maybe in order to save the rest of the world, I need to save myself first by just focusing on me and letting the rest of the world figure out what they need for themselves…using their own timeframe rather than one I am trying to impose on them from outside.
That would certainly free up my own time and energy to go enjoy myself!!